survival of the mind

 we live in a world where internet and communication connect people all over the world. it is really handy and helps in transfer of information to be faster and more information. everything is at the tip of our fingers. it is really convenient to us. but little do we realise everything comes with a price.

in a world where everyone is connected, it is easy for us to communicate and hence allow us to get more attention. social media platforms have enabled people to spread information, ideas and trends and the mass started to follow. this constant web of communication allows us to be connected all 24/7. more interaction means that we are socially more accepted and thus creating the influencers. this so called celebrities in the net. the status of these celebrites depends on how many followers they have and they feed of praises and interactions from their followers that provide them satisfaction and happiness. whos not happy being in the center of attention. the surge of happiness and rewarding feeling one get from being in the lime light is addicting. and yeah lots of people get addicted to the extent theyre willing to do anything just to get more attentions and more interactions from the mass. everyone is trying to get more attention in their own way be it good or bad. they do unexpected things, pushing their creativity to the limits to appeal to the masses. unfortunately some resort negativity in order to get attentions, just like a toddler throwing tantrum. some went to extreme by harming oneself or people around them just so that their goal is achieved. most of the times though, itss just the addiction of the mass approval that makes one do stupid stuffs without thinking of the consequences when they didnt even realizes their action harm themselves or people around them until its too late.

i realized that constant interaction with people makes us have less "me time". i feel that having me time is crucial in our lives as it is the time that you have a look at yourself, communicate with your soul, and reflect on yourself. it is part of your time where you can build your persona without anyone's interference. me time allows you to recognise your weakness and strengths, and ultimately be at peace with who you are and learn to love yourself.

when we are addicted to attention we lack me time and hence we depends on others to build ourselves. we created a persona based on the people around us. of course, it is convenient to do that but it is not a stable persona. the structure is supported by the mass and we all know humans are fickle. they can love us in one moment and the next thing they can totally hate us. all these interactions become input on how we build ourselves. when theres too much input the product will be just too unstable and in the end break down. this is what happen when we try to cater to too many demands and expectation from people surrounding us and eventually we are going to be too tired and burn out. not to mention that some are just manipulating us for their own benefits while completely disregarding our well being. 

this might not make sense to anyone that might read this probably because im not a good writer but yeah what i see is that the fact theres increase in behavioural problems and mental issues with advancement of technology in communication shows that alot of people are defined by the society surrounding them be it in reality or in the net. in fast pace society, a lot of people couldnt cope with all the changes and lose themselves leading to stress and depression. the persona created from external input is only superficial. though we look complete, we are actually hollow inside. theres no solid foundation from ourselves to fully support our mind when we have no time to build our persona

and i think thats why exercise is a good way to help in mental issues like depression. when i say exercise i mean the boring ones that we can do alone like running, swimming, weightlifting. scientifically exercise and weightlifting have something to do with our dopamine release that is related to reward feeling which can help reducing depression. besides that, these exercises allows you to totally focus on yourself as you move your body and pushing it to the limit. it allows you to drown the surrounding and block all input from outside. it just you your soul and your body. no interference from outside world. it might be only a brief moment but that allows you to discover calmness in your mind. dont be afraid of boredom. boredom is just a sign that youre craving for interactions when all you need is to focus on yourself. get the workout to help release the dopamine instead of from interactions. and then theres also the addiction issue of us having constantly releasing dopamine that not having it makes us feel bored. endure it long enough and the boredom will be gone, just like when the withdrawal effect is gone.

the concept of exercising alone/working out is quite similar to meditation albeit different method. while exercise helps you to focus on yourself with heavy task, meditation helps you to focus on yourself through stillness and blocking out interferences from the outside. through stillness you we heightened our senses and feel every part of your body. the pulsating of your heart, the flow of air as we breathe, to the twitching of every single fiber in our body. ultimately both methods allow us to be in a world of solitude within our minds.

thoughts

 recently i listen to radio while i was on my way to work in the morning. they usually have a talk session where they discuss random stuffs be it current issues or things that listeners post to them. there is this one topic they discuss about cheating in relationship. is it alright to think of someone else when youre already in relationship/married? will it be considered cheating? 

of course, there will be 2 responses to this. 

1. it is okay as long as you dont act on it. afterall it is just in your mind

2. that would be cheating. if you love someone you will be thinking and loyal to that person only. 

well both answers are acceptable. 

what made me thinking is that the mind is a great thing. it can be something so insignificant but it also can achieve greatness or becoming very dangerous. 

one can dream and visualize or fantasize many things. miracles, the impossible, absurd things. on the other hand the mind can be blank and not thinking of anything. or mostly buzzing like foggy. 

the mind on its own can do nothing and brings no harm. it doesnt cause even the slightest change to the world. everything only happen in the head of the person no matter how great or bizarre the thought is. however when things that happen in the mind arebeing shown via actions, that is when everything starts to move. like a clockwork. it triggers effects and consequences. consequences triggers reactions and in turn create more consquences be it small or big just like a butterfly effect. these combination of results over time will create the future. wether it be a good or bad future, nobody knows. some things lead to a splendid things while some can lead to monstrosity. 

now back to our issue regarding cheating, thinking of someone else of course, wont do anything and lead to anything. no harm will come from just thinking of it as theyre all in the mind. things start to get ugly when actions are being made out of the thinking. this doesnt necessarily means physically having affairs/sex. but also through projections that can be in form of story, portrayal, or pictures. 

this reminds me of the islamic teaching where if you think of something bad you are not doing sin, but if you take action on it you will be sinning. however if you think of something good or wish for it youre already considered as doing good deed and it is even better when you act on it. this shows how great a mind is and how scary it is. without action, a thinking is just a thinking. merely a fiction imprisoned in one's mind. but combined with action, everything changes.   

the mind is the impetus of everything that happened, like a seed to grow trees with the right action in right condition, it can grow into something big. a small vibration can lead to a big wave that consumes everything in its path destroying everything. the mind that is so harmless in every way, can lead to a nation built or even destroy a nation. 

this also means that the what we think can affect us indirectly. keep thinking of positive things and youll be a better person and if you keep on thinking of negative things, one can turn to be a dark person and do bad things. so yeah keep on thinking about goodness and you will eventually act on them. 

phi

 ever heard of fibonacci? at least people might know this from watching prison break. but no im not talking about that guy. it is a sequence closely related to golden ratio. lets talk about golden ratio. it is a ratio that exist and related to beautiful things in both nature, arts, construction. also in jojo.lol

pretty sure one have come across this at least once.

the number is 1.618. or (1+5^-2)/2. the symbol for this number is phi some sort of o with vertical line in the middle like deathly hallows symbol but without the triangle. so i became intrigued with this golden ratio as this thing occurs naturally in this world. like the angle of the petals, spider webs, seashells. even the ratio of human body using this golden ratio is related to beauty. 

here is an attempt of me making lines using the ratio. each line started from the endpoint of previous line and put at 90 degree angle. they are also 1.618 times longer than the previous line. this is the result. the red line i drew shows the points from the corner making straight line and they intersect 90 degree at 1 point. from this i just have to elongate the red line and and i can keep drawing the black line until it reach the red line and the length will always be 1.618x length of previous line. one thing i noted is also that the red and black lines formed right angled triangle. and im guessing here the size of the triangle increase by 1.618 also. im not sure as i lack the proper equipment to do the calculation right now. im also wondering whats the angle for the triangles but lemme guess one is 34.377 and another is 55.623. this is just a guess but ill need to get my friends help to do calculation. i dont have scientific calculator with me anymore.

why i do this? its just out of curiosity.

this is another attempt of me with drawing pentagon with different sizes but all according to the ratio. this is the result. 

terpesonaaaaa. aku terpesonaa 

i d like to try with other shapes with different angles but yeah all these are done using ms paint only. so its quite limited.

apple juice

 been attempting to make apple juice multiple times. and this time i hit the mark. managed to make the taste similar to the one i bought from shop or supermarket. 

the ingredients are these

3 apples
4 limau nipis
a splash of apple cider vinegar
1 litre water
4 tablets of stevia (dunno equivalent to how much sugar)
aloe vera (optional)

basically just chopthose apples i removed the seeds. squeeze those limes and pour in a bit of apple cider vinegar maybe like 2 spoonful amount. put in the stevia or sugar or honey or whatever sweetener you can think of. fill up the blender up to 1 liter so basically the amount of water i use is less than 1 liter as there are already other ingredients inside. blendddddddddddddddddddd and were done. can drink straight away or if you hate the fibre/pulp feeling. filter using muslin cloth filter and youll get a clean juice only.

add on aloevera to your liking. i read that aloe vera can be consumed raw even with the latex but some advise to wash away the latex first as prolonged consumption is not good. also the aloe vera latex is not goo dfor people with kidney problem or taking antihypertensive/ diabetes medication. how to prepare aloevera? cut the leaves. peel of the skin using knife or peeler.you will get a slimy translucent jelly like substance inside. rinse with water to  get rid of the latex or you can use the latex for your hair or skin then just chop the jelly and put in your drink

smoke house

 in view of covid and returning pkp, a lot of people went for panic shopping. my dad already predicted this earlier and guessing price will increase after this went for shopping spree a bit earlier. he returned with loads of salmon and other seafood. so what do we do with all these salmons? lets try making smoked salmon. 

using things from around my house we build the smoke house using zinc as the wall and metal pole as the pillars. 

now the smoke house is ready time to lay down the salmon. since this is just a test run we just put plain salmon and some of them rubbed with a bit of salt. the hanging thing is a metal collander tied using wire to the roof of the smoke house. i put some chillies to make smoked dried chillies. initially i want to hang meat but oh well, thats for another time i guess.

smoking started at 6pm and left until 7am tomorrow morning and voila the result. i used jackfruit wood as thats the only wood material i have around the house. oh yeah we did put in too much wood to burn and that causes the smoke house to be too hot and cooked the salmon too fast. we had to smother them with soil to prevent fire from coming up. note to self. use less wood

overall the experiment was a success. them salmon taste exactly like smoked salmon you buy from market. its a bit dry but that can be improved next time.

side product. the chillies i smoked became super dried and brownish in colour. probably because of the heat i think. went and blitz em to make chilli flakes. all went well except the blitzing part. the moment i opened the blender to transfer the chillies my eyes started to become watery and the next thin i know im crying like a little girl. not to mention the sneezing that ensues. the smell of the smoked chilies was so strong that everyone in the kitchen started sneezing. i had to stop breathing alot during the whole process to prevent further sneezing. also, not opening up the blender straight after blitzing helps to reduce the chilies particle from flying in the air.

i remmebered i used to love ewating smoked salmon with cheese but that was cold smoked salmon and i cant remember what cheese i ate with it. so far successful combination for the salmon is to go along with honey mustard or relish added with some chili flakes. tastes good.

i wish i can do cold smoked salmon but the idea is not viable in malaysia as this is a tropical country. 

javanese curry

 ive long wanted to try what does katsu curry taste like. tried several times in some japanese restaurant but those are not high ends restaurant so the taste is quite meh. tasted like prepackaged food or canned food mostly which i think dont do justice to the real one. other restaurants though mostly are just non halal as thy usually use pork in the making.

so i ended up buying this prepackaged curry sauce from this japanese shop in mid valley. my friends recommended this item as they say it is quite good.im not really into cooking using paste actually. i prefer to cook things from basic ingredients but meh just make use of everything available. so why not since i dont know how to make japanese curry from scratch anyway.

this is the curry im talking about. its quite expensive. well, imported stuffs are always expensive

the cooking directions are super brief and skipped some steps during the saute process. nevermind that. im the type that never cook following instructions step by step. usually i just see how things a re made roughly and tried cooking them my way but this time i tried to adhere to the instructions as close as possible just so that i can get the taste as close as i can to the normal japanese curry. heck i even weighed my meat this time which was never done before. it just happened that the bag of frozen meat i have in the freezer is close to the instruction actually. even if the frozen meat is way off the weight ill still use them all too.

prepping part. chopped up everything that need to be chopped up. notice how cooking in professional kitchen or restaurants are fast? thats because the prepping stage are done way earlier before opening time and the only thing left to do is to mix them in fire thats how you get food to be served fast.i now this looks like a lot of waste of bowls usage but for presentation purposes they are necessary. im cutting these things while getting my meat thawed in microwave. forgot to bring them out earlier. oh yeah i decided to cut them because its easier to eat everything in bite size rather than chunks of everything. smaller pieces also means they cook faster  

oh yeah right off the bat i didnt follow the instructions as i mentioned before. its really hard for me to adhere to instructions step by step when it comes to cooking. i ran out of carrot so i replaced it with tomatoes, celery, brinjals, and mushrooms. the other 2 ingredients are potatoes and onions. i decided not to  put any chillies in as my parents cant stand too much spiciness also iwant to try these non spicy japanese curry. also it rained alot nowadays and the chillies in y backyard are going to be hotter than usual.

now first part of cooking sauteing the ingredients. onion first, then the root vege (e.g carrot/potatoes) as they take more time to be cooked. then only you add the other ingredients. leafy stuffs usually will go in last. meat was added together with the roots vege. i dont care if theyre still half frozen as long as i can break them into small pieces instead of one big ice block. let the thawing process continue in the pan

add water get them to boiling and simmer for 15 min. this looks like im making stock. oh yeah the frozen chicken turned out to be marinated with black pepper that my mom prepared earlier. oh well more flavour i guess. now while waiting back to playing game for 15 min.

looking good. tatoes are staring to get soft after 15 min.  time to add the curry sauce

once the curry sauce added up the whole thing become thick. no need for me to add thickening agents at all nor do i need to reduce the the curry by heating. no wonder the instructions stated to get everything cooked first then only adding up the sauce. just put on low flame while awiting to serve.

itadakimasu. well the result is better than any low end restaurants ive tried so far though they have similarities in term of the flavours. also the taste is completely differet from south east asian curry. i think the decision to add more vegetables made the curry taste better than it's supposed to be. my parents accept the curry well and they even had seconds. that means this curry can be 6-7/10. its not spicy at all so they can eat it happily but its still a bit heaty since the chicken was marinated with black pepper earlier. 

the bowl with the green content is just mashed avocado. we eat it like a condiment as it bring creamy texture to food and lighten up any spicy or mellow down sharp flavours. its like eating rice with tempoyak but Juan style instead of Ali style. 

overall this is one of the better curries ive made. time to get to know how to cook it from scratch.

another one bites the dust

this refer to one of the laptops. i did mentioned my mom need a desktop due to her laptop died. yeap that one. one fine day it just decided to went black screen upon booting up. start the comp, the windows logo appear and then its supposed to be the windows with all the taskbar and icons but nope. it went pitch black. so yeah i know theres a way to fix this problem but im gonna shove it to the side for now. hehehe

the thing is there are files and documents that she wanted still inside the computer hence i need to extract the data from the drive. dead people tell no tale though. so im just gonna necro the hard disk and get all of the data.

this is compaq presario cq40

an the view from back

unscrewing the cover for all parts just because i can. i rarely monkey around with a laptop so yeah just wanna have a peek at the inside a bit. the hard disk was removed

this is how to remove the hard disk. unscrew t 3 screws holding the hard disk and pull the black plastic tab to unlock the disk.

so i went to the other computer to borrow a sata cable from the cd rom drive as this cable was missing. without it i cant transfer the data and files. 

using this device it allows me to connect hard disk to computer like an external hard disk using usb cable. the device though have multiple ports to allow it to connect to various type of hard disks. notice the red sata cable? yeah i found it in my stash. no point in borrowing from the other computer

everything connected and running

voila. time to transfer. also praise the sun

ill probably try to fix the laptop one day. or not. its an old laptop anyway